Why Christians Should Become Death Doulas
“Death” is probably the last word you would expect to find
paired with “doula.” And no, this isn’t some sort of spiritual metaphor; it’s
an actual job in a young but rapidly growing field. Let me explain.
A doula is someone who is trained to help and support a
woman during childbirth. Traditionally, the doula or midwife fills the role of
a coach who brings wisdom and experience to a family as they bring a new life
into the world.
When my wife and I had our second child, we had a friend
with us who was in training to be a birth doula. Her presence provided
much-needed personal help and comfort as someone who was simply there. Of
course I was also there, but aside from the birthing classes and the experience
of our first child’s birth I didn’t really have much to bring to the table. The
nurses were in and out, and the OB-GYN popped in for a few minutes and was
there for the birth, but our doula friend was with my wife in a different and
much deeper way, providing a combination of personal care and practical
knowledge that was truly comforting.
Birth doulas have become much more widely known and used in
recent years for this very reason. They provide something that people sorely
need: a combination of functional wisdom and personal support to the expectant
mother that soothes her fears and stokes her confidence.
So many people have begun to realize that if this role is so
valuable during birth, why not do the same thing during death?
What is a Death
Doula?
When someone is dying, there are plenty of professionals
involved. Nursing home staff, paramedics, doctors, nurses, surgeons,
specialists. Not to mention receptionists and lawyers and insurance reps. It’s
easy to lose the thread of what is really going on beneath a constant stream of
prescriptions, surgical options, pain management, and insurance company hold
music.
The reality is that death is not simply a medical event. In
Ecclesiastes 9:5, the Preacher tells us that “the dead know nothing, and they
have no more reward, for the memory of them is forgotten.” This is not just an
end of life, but an end of significance. All the knowledge and experience you
have built up; all the rewards you have treasured up; all the memories you have
created and shared; everything you had or enjoyed in this life will be gone and
forgotten.
When someone knows that they are dying, it’s natural to
worry about the pain and try to prolong life. It’s also natural to think about
the meaning and significance of life, what comes after death, and how best to
leave this world. Medical professionals help with the first part. And now,
increasingly, death doulas are being trained to help with the second part.
A “death doula” (or, as they prefer to be called, an
“end-of-life doula”) is someone who is trained to help and support the dying
one and their family as they prepare to leave this world. In the early 2000s,
several medical and palliative care professionals independently saw the need
and began offering it themselves. As word spread and interest grew, they began
training others and a new profession was launched.
What Does a Death
Doula Do?
Practically speaking, a death doula helps the dying person
die well. This involves first and foremost respecting the dying person’s wishes
while, secondly, providing wisdom, information, and personal presence.
Specifically, the doula helps the dying person and their
family with things like:
· Advocating for the dying person, especially when
they become incapacitated or unable to communicate
· Choosing where to die (80% of Americans would
prefer to die at home but only 20% actually do)
· Creating a peaceful and personal environment for
the dying one
· Encouraging thoughtful and purposeful life
review, exploration of religious views, candid family conversations
· Planning for and recognizing when to start the
vigil (the time when death is imminent)
· Relieving the fear and anxiety surrounding death
for the individual and their family
· What to do at the time of death and immediately after
·
Help with funeral planning
· Reprocessing with the family a few months after
the funeral
Why Should Christians
Become Death Doulas?
Christians should become death doulas because doulas provide
help, wisdom, and companionship to people at what may very well be the only
time in their lives they are open to being taught how to number their days.
People – dying people – are looking for practical help and spiritual or
philosophical significance. In obedience to Romans 12:9-18, we should be there to
show love and honor, to give hope and blessing, to pray and show hospitality.
Moreover, since Jesus is the only one who is ultimately
significant, only in him can our lives and deaths have significance. Since
Jesus is the one who conquers death and invites us to live with him, only in
him can we truly die well.
As Christians, we should be at the front lines when people
are consciously thinking about death, the meaning and significance of their
lives, and how to die well. Because the beautiful and valuable work that death
doulas provide is only fully realized in Christ.
Jesus is the answer to pain, so be there when the
pain comes.
Jesus is the answer to decay, so be there when the
body decays.
Jesus is the answer to grief, so be there when the
grieving begins.
Jesus is the answer to despair, so be there when
all hope is lost.
Jesus is the answer to death, so be there when
death is near.
As Jesus said, “I am the resurrection and the life. Whoever
believes in me, though he die, yet shall he live.” (John 11:25)
So, Christians: Become death doulas.
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